Perfect, this fits in just right after Elizabeth's post, I know she is thinking about it, how about the rest of us?
Since one of the main themes of this book is friendship, and more specifically, female friendship, let's talk more about that. How important are female friendships in your own life? Have you ever had a group of friends like these girls, in high school? College? Post graduation? Have certain friendships shaped your life? Are there people that you know will always be in your life? Have there been people who have come and go? Do you yearn for anything friendship wise?
Was anyone in a sorority in college? Would you say that is similar to the relationships of these girls? Is going to an all women's school sort of like being in one large sorority? And one step further, what do you think about single gender schools? Did you apply to any? Ever think to attend one? (Ok so now really, TWO topics, even more fun...there you go ladies...take it and run!)
Can't wait to see what everyone has to share!
Ok, I'll go first. :o) I am a bit jealous of the friendships in this book, they had their group, but then also they had special relationships within the group, yet they were always inclusive of all 4 of them. I think perhaps it is a bit unrealistic of how the friendships carried forth after after graduation...but won't say more then that until everyone is done. I have always had good female friends, was in a sorority in college, some single friends post grad and now friends with others with kids. I think female friendships are critical, as women understand one another better then men can, we just seem to be wired differently. I also feel that some friends come into your life when you need someone, but not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.
ReplyDeleteI did not apply to any all women schools, did not consider it. It is interesting to think about them and I would be curious to learn more, are they really as "open" as this book portrayed them to be? Perhaps I'll google and see what I can find...
I think it's interesting that we as females, supposedly the "relational experts" of the two genders, who can sit and talk for hours and hours over coffee, or these days baby food, still struggle with such insecurities in regards to our friends. At least I do. My friends are my lifeline, my main support system, and many times, my sanity. And yet I hold back. I don't want to sound too needy or boring. I don't want you to think I'm being dramatic about my problems. I want to make sure you know I care about your life and your struggles and not just my own. I feel like I have this whole other person living inside me, screaming for companionship, for friendship, but she remains alone, talking to herself.
ReplyDeleteI didn't consider women's schools either- would never have dreamt of considering them when I was 17. However, now that I'm past the "gotta find a man" stage of my life, in retrospect I think it might have been a good thing. If you look past all the feminist activism and some of the just wacko stuff in the book, those girls had the perfect climate to focus on friendships and really get to know each other without having to worry about impressing the guy sitting across from them in English class.
So I guess getting this out there presents a challenge to myself- become more open with my friends. It terrifies me, but I can also see where it could bring much happiness as well.
I'm also have a desire to make some new friends who are different than me. I grew up in a white, Christian, conservative house, which is great- but I know there's so much more out there. I love when I meet people who have a different lifestyle than me, are of a different religion, or are just different- I find them fascinating, and I want more of that.
Ok, enough baring my soul for one evening...anybody else???
Elizabeth-I enjoyed reading your post and your honesty. Loving this blog and so fun to learn more about each other!
ReplyDeleteI think friendships are always hard, because just as much as we need them, there is always a tiny worry that these people could go away. In the book, they do fight, and it does cause some prolonged periods of discord among them, which is sad, but that is probably more real life as well. One thing I find myself doing is always having a clarifying statement, i.e. you know I love my x before having a moment of complaint. Why do I feel like I have to clarify? Shouldn't my friends know I love x and am just having a bad day? But perhaps I am always self conscious, and I still want to put my best foot forward, regardless of the depth of the friendship. Are we ever really 100% open and honest in our friendships?
I am not very far in the book, but I'll try to chime in. If I'm a bit scattered, one reason may be because I'm pretending to watch a movie with my husband as I type.
ReplyDeleteFemale friendships....a necessity in life. Especially now being a stay-at-home mom. I have a few friends who I correspond with regularly. I have one friend who I email with hourly, often times more than once an hour. It's great having someone who I can tell my stupid thoughts to, ask random questions, and know that I'll get a quick response without any judgement. However, I sometimes am the same way, Erin....feeling that I should justify/clarify complaints or silly thoughts. Why is that? I wish I didn't worry about what my friends might think about my life.
I did not have any interest in an all-girls school. Honestly, as I'm beginning the book, if the schools really are as Smith is portrayed, I know I couldn't attend one of them. The book makes me uncomfortable enough as it is, I can't imagine living it. I keep deleting things that I write.....here I go again, worrying about what others might think.
I'll try to write more when I can focus - I'm actually getting interested in this movie. ha!
Maybe we should make a pact to write what we think and just hit post? I too type my comments, reread, delete, edit, reread again, and then hit post...
ReplyDeleteI was in a sorority in college and sometimes I found the sorority a bit intimidating at times. With what everyone was wearing, to who they were dating and which dance they got invited too. I think there is still cliques in the sorority too.
ReplyDeleteI had some of the best times of my life living in the dorms. I mean having boys living right next door to you. I would have to walk past them in my robe on the way to the shower.. Yikes, just thinking about my dorms days makes me really miss college.. THose were the easy days:)
I always think of my younger sister as my best friend, but then I think, she sort of has to be, since we are related.. I didn't have many close high school friends and the friends I made in college I am still friends with today. I think the most true friends though are the ones that not only love you but love your kids. I have to say that I made some really great friendships in Texas:) Miss you:( Trying not to get choked up..
So thankful for email, texting,skype, facebook and a local landline that helps being this far away a little easier and still connected. Some days I am in contact someway with some friends several times a day...
Love reading books about friendship:)
I really am enjoying learning more about you girls. I truly value everything you say here and I think we have all agreed not to judge each other at all. This is a safe space. Traci, you can feel free to tell us more about why the book makes you feel uncomfortable. Like Elizabeth said, it's great to be around many types of people with different perspectives.
ReplyDeleteI was incredibly shy growing up, always had lots going on internally, and kept to myself most of the time. I always had one really good girlfriend, but that person was friends with lots of other people and so I was left out a lot. I spent many weekend nights alone. I still have this book I made of notes passed between my friend Sarah and me in high school classes. I never liked doing the typical high school social activities... driving around endlessly to see who else was driving around, going to football games, etc. I found companionship in academics and school clubs. Senior year, I had a calculus study group of two other girls and we'd get together several nights a week.
In college I had the same one-on-one girl friendships but I spent most of my time in romantic relationships. I was blossoming socially and trying to learn as much as I could about myself. It was a confusing, but fun time in my life. I had never had a boyfriend before. We had sororities and fraternities in high school and I tried out for one and wasn't accepted (probably because I didn't let them get to know me), so in college I didn't even want to be in one. I think going to an all girls school would have been somewhat interesting but I never would have stayed there. I was too boy crazy. At one point, I lived in an all girls dorm and I lasted 3 weeks. Hated that.
I tended to think that most girls were annoying... focused on fashion, boys, and superficial things. I wanted more substantive relationships, even though I did end up reading Cosmo by the pool for fun with one girlfriend.
My true, true friends are the ones that grew out of real situations. My friend from high school youth group who felt as left out as I did and who was a kindred spirit, my grad school other half who will always be my best friend, even though she doesn't have kids and now we rarely get to chat, and my mommy friends who recognize the daily hell and also the high points of raising kids all day, every day.
Ironically, blogging has really opened up a new world for me. I have found kindred spirits on photography blogs and writing blogs and have branched out to start my own. I like the comments I get there and the new "friends" I am making - so far all women. I think people really write the truth about how they are feeling emotionally on a blog and they really bare their souls more.
Now that I am a mom, I am much more drawn to women than men. I recognize a depth and a sisterhood that I never really noticed before. We are strong and we understand each other. So now those female friendships are the most important part of my life.
I never had a group of girls like those in our book, though I also am jealous of them. I'm envious of the Sex and the City girls and their regular Sunday brunches. The ability to just say anything and always be accepted and loved... I too worry about everything I say and how I'll be perceived. I am always worried I'm going to lose a friend or not fit in. And I really can't afford to because I don't have many. A girlfriend can totally make my day or I can obsess about something stupid I said and make myself miserable. Reading what you all say about that, I said to myself how silly it seems to waste a thought on it, but I feel the exact same way!
Enjoying reading everyones posts.... Can't wait until the next book and next topic:)
ReplyDeleteTHIS is true friendship. It's kind of long, but definitely worth watching!
ReplyDeletehttp://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4372243
I have very much enjoyed reading all of this and really learning more about each other. It is interesting that we all feel hesitant in some ways, I wonder if most people do in friendships but just never say? This was such a fun discussion thread. Tried to watch the video but it got stuck after a bit, but I get the drift, amazing!
ReplyDeleteI agree! I think most people do feel hesitant, in fact, I got an email today from a girl who I have recently become friends with through church who started off saying she didn't want to sound awkward, but she wanted to encourage me with everything going on with G and she wants us to have a playdate with our boys. I immediately thought of this discussion (and of course assured her it wasn't awkward). Can't wait for the next topic!
ReplyDelete