I am sure that most (if not all) of us have seen this article,
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html
and it seems to be getting such a response that I thought it would be fun to talk about here. Thoughts to it?
Happy Friday to all!
Great topic. I do not seize the day as often as I should...some days I'm doing my best not to seize my daughter! My days consist of deep breaths, reiterating our family rules and reminding myself that this _____ (stage, behavior, mood, etc.) will pass. At dinner we talk about something good in our day, something that made us laugh and if anything made us sad. That is my opportunity to seize the day and focus on the higher level things.
ReplyDeleteOld ladies, nosy people and just the general public can make any mom crazy with their comments. Unsolicited advice and comments were never welcomed before and now when they are directed towards my precious child, they are really unwelcomed. No she doesn't need a sibling, she's actually not tall for her age, yes she's louder than most kids, and the list goes on...
I hadn't seen this so thanks, Erin! I absolutely agree and can't think of anything original to add, except that it made me feel so much better!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read the post, I wholeheartedly agreed- YES! And like Naomi said, it made me feel so much better about not loving every single second of staying home with Grayson and doing the same things over, and over and over again and sometimes not getting much back (but there are plenty of times when I do, and oh, those are so special).
ReplyDeleteBut then yesterday, I read this post- do any of you follow Dear Baby? I love her blog.
http://dearbabyblog.com/post/16117907502/ive-seen-glennon-meltons-dont-carpe-diem
Anyway, I tend to agree with this too. It reminds me of a time in high school when my softball team was in Florida- we had just lost a game and our coach was making us practice late at night after the game to work on stuff we'd screwed up. I was so tired and just wanted to go to bed, but I remember consciously thinking, someday you are going to wish you could have this moment back, to be on the field practicing late at night. And I do. All the time. I still miss playing SO MUCH and don't remember any of the "bad" stuff that goes along with dedicating so much of your life to a sport.
So I try to kind of think the same way when parenting is hard, boring, or annoying. Someday I will wish for these days, these moments back again.
I don't think Carpe Diem means you have to LOVE every second of every day, but just be mindful that this is a time that will pass all too quickly and you won't get to redo it. I am trying to focus on living in the present, because so much of my life has spent looking to the next big thing.
That being said- what the heck are we going to do for the next 8 hours until bedtime?!?
Having Larkin down with strep for the second time in six months, I really, REALLY appreciate this. But I love this even more, and sobbed when I read it on a friend's wall today. It's a beautifully written post that really explains (and justifies!) where I am with my life and my little guy right now:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ncregister.com/blog/to-the-mother-with-only-one-child
I'm going to comment a few times, I can't wait to go read the articles you all have posted, but want to post my initial thoughts to the Carpe Diem article first. I have read it a few times now and thought it was brilliant. Mostly because it is nice to see that other people are feeling the same way I am, that I LOVE what I do, but to seize every second? Not possible. I am trying to be more mindful and enjoy the good moments because as T almost in FOUR I know it goes by all too quickly.
ReplyDeleteI get told all the time in stores to enjoy this age, to record those little voices, to appreciate the help etc. And I really try...but it does not mean there are not moments of sheer frustration. And I think people in general should just stay quiet, unless you want to tell me how pretty my girls are, I don't want to hear it. EVERY day I have this conversation about Sophia with someone, somewhere.
Them: "Wow, she is verbal, how old is she"
Me: "19 months"
Them: "She sure is small/tiny etc"
Me: "Uh huh, she is petite..."
Why, why, why? Why comment on her size? Comment on her verbalization, great, beautiful eyes, wonderful, but society in general just needs to work on staying quiet, smiling and moving on. Ok, rant over. Going to read those other articles now, can't wait!
I loved the article Carpe Diem and I totally needed it this week.. I have been really trying to not worry about the laundry, dishes, cleaning house and really get down on the floor and play with the kids.. Even for a few minutes and then I go back to my business. I am also really trying to read more inspiring blogs by stay at home moms , then read blogs that make me feel guilty for making mac and cheese for the 3rd night in a row or pancakes for lunch.. I sometimes get really down on myself when I haven't done many art projects with Emma or puzzles with Carter that I should be doing.. but I am trying to let go of the guilt and just say that it is a good day when I smiled a lot and enjoyed them and only raised my voice once:)
ReplyDeleteIt is hard when people say Enjoy this stage, time goes by so quick, but it is difficult when each day, even the weekends is the same....
I read the other two articles too. I love new reading material.. I do feel one kid , two kids, etc, all are hard and tiring. Loved the dear baby blog too.. Saved it to my favorites..
Ok, I'm back, I have now read all the articles. I love when one thing leads us to another and new blogs to follow etc. I like the dear baby blog post, and actually one of the comments was profound to me, that the Carpe Diem comes from within us, not the lady at Target, bc chances are, she is telling us that as we are racing to exit the store before the ice cream melts, or a kid melts, or heck, I melt! BUT I think it is good to try and live more in the moment, and I too am working on this. Technology is one of my big issues, I need to put down the phone, really play cars and do the puzzle and soak it in. Yep, rambling now...just all these things I am thinking about as we enter 2012 and I add to my resolution list. :o) Have a great day ladies!
ReplyDeleteI think that the advice should be 'seize the moments" instead of "seize the day". I am in complete agreement with the author that there are beautiful moments in every day that we can relish, even if we've been thrown up on, burned dinner AND haven't been out of our sweat suits in a week.
ReplyDeleteI also feel that most women, if they are being completely honest, would say that it is more true that they love that they have parented more than they loved every moment. That applies to the steps along the way, also. Is toilet training fun? No, but the moment of realization that your child hasn't had an oops in, how long has it been?, is pure triumphant joy. We don't need to be ten years removed from it to recognize it.
I prefer to see myself as someone who loves the process as much as the result, even if is doesn't always seem so at the time.
Hi there. I hadn't read any of these articles, but have found them so interesting now that I have read them. I can see it from both sides, although I think that I tend to side on the Dear Baby post a little more. Probably because I am a Gran. LOL. However, I have to state that I am not a little-old-lady grandma, and I would never bug someone in a store about how they are raising their kids.
ReplyDeleteI am 42. Most of my friends are having babies or thinking about having babies, and I am just the doting grandma. My first grandson is 2 and my second is 10 months (he lives across state from us with my step-daughter).
I had my daughter when I was only 18. I struggled raising her alone. But in a lot of ways, being young had its advantages. I didn't feel tired when I was up all night with her. I had more patience. Honestly, I didn't really know how hard it was at the time. But looking back at it, everything seems like a blur. There are so many things I already have forgotten. So many moments I don't really remember. I know I enjoyed her, but I wish I would have been so much more focused or meticulous with writing everything down. There are even times where there are giant gaps in pictures of her because I was too poor to buy/develop film. It seems so strange and foreign now.
Now my daughter is a single mom, and she is living with my husband and me, and I stay at home with Kennedy while she works. I know it is hard for her. Especially being a single parent and trying to raise a kid with us always interfering because we all have to live together and stay sane.
But somehow, the perspective does shift. It is the strangest thing. Once your kids are grown, you do realize how fleeting it all seems and how you wish you could do things over. I think it is even more likely that people feel that way now if they raised their kids *before* the age of the internet and instant information/knowledge. Every day we see or hear something new about how we should have done something different with raising kids. It is insane and hard and crazy-making, but it does go by so very quickly.
I feel so incredibly lucky to have Kennedy here with us and to be able to do things with him that I didn't have the ability to do when Jessica was little. He does get me crazy some days and there are times I wonder if he will ever learn how to listen or when it will be that he won't have a meltdown in the store. Sometimes I just count the minutes until she gets home from work, and I can be "off duty" But most of the time, I just find that he is so incredibly amazing, it just takes my breath away.
"Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.” This is the sentence that continues to echo for me after reading the entire article. When my daughter was an infant, I remember hearing so many people tell me to cherish the moment, they grow up so fast. As she got a bit older, I recall telling new moms with brand new babies to " Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.” It’s true, the years fly right by.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter will be 12, honestly, I don’t know where the time has gone. I am a stay at home mom (artist and writer) and my daughter has been my focus, my center during the past 12 years ... Mommy and me classes, art classes, swimming classes, picnicking together, walks in the park, baking together, reading to her and everything in between. Seriously, where has the time gone? One minute they are your babies, the next minute they are going to the school dance without you.
My daughter is my “only” and has always been a super “easy child”. So the most part, the journey has been pure joy. Who knows, my perspective may be different when she’s 16.
But the truth is, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.”